It's almost 8pm (my favorite hour), evening is falling, and I am sitting on the back deck enjoying the sounds of summer bugs, the sight of ever-changing colors in the sky, and the smell of sweet hay.  And while I probably should be just enjoying the moment before it gets dark instead of writing, I feel as though I don't want to be alone.  In the movie "Shadowlands" there is a line "we read to know we're not alone."  I guess the same could be said that we write to hopefully know we are not alone. And so I am writing to whoever.  Sometimes moments aren't quite complete unless they are shared.  I'm sure I've said that before.  Oh- there go three geese in the sky.  Now isn't that odd to see geese at night?

This week I have felt compelled to spend some time with John, the beloved disciple of Jesus.  I've been thinking a lot about love lately and what it means to really love and be loved.  We all have our ideas of what love looks like.  Many of those ideas are shaped by what our families tell us (or more importantly, show us) love is; sometimes we let movies shape our ideas of love; sometimes we attach love only to a feeling.  There are any number of influences which contribute to this very important... what do I call it? It is so much more than a concept.  It's a verb- so, this very important thing that we do.  But if, as the Bible says, God is love, then perhaps the best place to find and know love is in God.  Thankfully, He didn't leave us in the dark to grapple with this- He gave people inspiration to write down what they learned from Him!  So we have the Bible (and we not only have the Bible, but the Holy Spirit is also on earth in the hearts of the children of God, so He communicates directly to them- so it's not just an ascent to an intellectual idea- we can actually experience love!).  This is what John says about love: "By this we come to know (progressively to recognize, to perceive, and to understand) the [essential] love: that He laid down His [own] life for us; and we ought to lay [our] lives down for [those who are our] brothers [in Him]." (1 John 3:16) So essentially, laying down our lives just as Jesus laid down His life for us is how we come to know love.  This isn't a call to crucify our bodies on a cross, but it is a call to crucify our selves.  John goes on further to tell us how we can live this out practically:  "But if anyone has this world's goods (resources for sustaining life) and sees his brother and fellow believer in need, yet closes his heart of compassion against him, how can the love of God live and remain in him?  Little children, let us not love [merely] in theory or in speech but in deed and in truth (in practice and sincerity).  By this shall we come to know (perceive, recognize, and understand) that we are of the Truth..." (1 John 3:17-19)  So one way we can know and do love is to share our worldly goods with those who need.  Our natural man desires to hoard worldly goods and store them for himself (or herself, if you want to get technical) because he/she doesn't trust God to provide for the next day.  God taught the Israelites a lesson of trust in the desert for new manna every day because day-old manna went stale after a day.  God is love and He is faithful to provide.  So if we have a new nature inside of us, the nature of God, then the Spirit within us will move us to give, and we can trust Him (because He's faithful and loving) to continue to meet our needs.  This is one way we lay down our lives for another, by showing the love of God through giving up what we would naturally want to keep for ourselves. 

This love can also be shown not only by material things we give up, but by wants we give up.   Paul addressed this in his letter to the Philippian church: "Let each of you esteem and look upon and be concerned for not [merely] his own interests, but also each for the interests of others."  (Philippians 2:3)  This is the spirit of selflessness and humility.  I believe that this is a deeper moving into love.  We can give away possessions and still be begrudging it on the inside.  But to look to the interests of others, sometimes, many times, at the expense of your interests- that, I don't believe, can easily be faked off.  Paul says in 1 Corinthians: "Even if I dole out all that I have [to the poor in providing] food, and if I surrender my body to be burned or in order that I may glory, but have not love (God's love in me), I gain nothing." (1 Cor. 13:3) Wow, that is quite a statement and it gets to the heart of what love isn't.  Love is about doing, but it's also about who you are on the inside.  Love doesn't only do; love IS.  Paul goes on to say: "Love endures long and is patient and kind; love never is envious nor boils over with jealousy, is not boastful or vainglorious, does not display itself haughtily.  It is not conceited (arrogant and inflated with pride); it is not rude (unmannerly) and does not act unbecomingly.  Love (God's love in us) does not insist on its own rights or its own way, for it is not self-seeking; it is not touchy or fretful or resentful; it takes no account of the evil done to it [it pays no attention to a suffered wrong].  It does not rejoice at injustice and unrighteousness, but rejoices when right and truth prevail.  Love bears up under anything and everything that comes, is ever ready to believe the best of every person, its hopes are fadeless under all circumstances, and it endures everything [without weakening].  Love never fails.." (1 Cor. 13:4-8)  Those verses convict me.  I am often selfish, not allowing God's love in me to display itself to those around me.  Those verses also give me hope because God is love and unlike me, He never changes.  He is always the same, always full of love and compassion, and eager to show His love and compassion (which far surpass human love and compassion). 

It's dark now and I should probably go inside.  I felt lonely when I started this post- which is why I started writing you (whoever "you" are), but now I don't feel that way.  I suppose that when you start to think about God's love, you veer away from yourself and onto Him.  Then all things that surround become shadows...