KennyGdoesit4me's Xanga

Love is

Sun, 14 Sep 2008 00:13:14 GMT

It's almost 8pm (my favorite hour), evening is falling, and I am sitting on the back deck enjoying the sounds of summer bugs, the sight of ever-changing colors in the sky, and the smell of sweet hay. And while I probably should be just enjoying the moment before it gets dark instead of writing, I feel as though I don't want to be alone. In the movie "Shadowlands" there is a line "we read to know we're not alone." I guess the same could be said that we write to hopefully know we are not alone. And so I am writing to whoever. Sometimes moments aren't quite complete unless they are shared. I'm sure I've said that before. Oh- there go three geese in the sky. Now isn't that odd to see geese at night?

This week I have felt compelled to spend some time with John, the beloved disciple of Jesus. I've been thinking a lot about love lately and what it means to really love and be loved. We all have our ideas of what love looks like. Many of those ideas are shaped by what our families tell us (or more importantly, show us) love is; sometimes we let movies shape our ideas of love; sometimes we attach love only to a feeling. There are any number of influences which contribute to this very important... what do I call it? It is so much more than a concept. It's a verb- so, this very important thing that we do. But if, as the Bible says, God is love, then perhaps the best place to find and know love is in God. Thankfully, He didn't leave us in the dark to grapple with this- He gave people inspiration to write down what they learned from Him! So we have the Bible (and we not only have the Bible, but the Holy Spirit is also on earth in the hearts of the children of God, so He communicates directly to them- so it's not just an ascent to an intellectual idea- we can actually experience love!). This is what John says about love: "By this we come to know (progressively to recognize, to perceive, and to understand) the [essential] love: that He laid down His [own] life for us; and we ought to lay [our] lives down for [those who are our] brothers [in Him]." (1 John 3:16) So essentially, laying down our lives just as Jesus laid down His life for us is how we come to know love. This isn't a call to crucify our bodies on a cross, but it is a call to crucify our selves. John goes on further to tell us how we can live this out practically: "But if anyone has this world's goods (resources for sustaining life) and sees his brother and fellow believer in need, yet closes his heart of compassion against him, how can the love of God live and remain in him? Little children, let us not love [merely] in theory or in speech but in deed and in truth (in practice and sincerity). By this shall we come to know (perceive, recognize, and understand) that we are of the Truth..." (1 John 3:17-19) So one way we can know and do love is to share our worldly goods with those who need. Our natural man desires to hoard worldly goods and store them for himself (or herself, if you want to get technical) because he/she doesn't trust God to provide for the next day. God taught the Israelites a lesson of trust in the desert for new manna every day because day-old manna went stale after a day. God is love and He is faithful to provide. So if we have a new nature inside of us, the nature of God, then the Spirit within us will move us to give, and we can trust Him (because He's faithful and loving) to continue to meet our needs. This is one way we lay down our lives for another, by showing the love of God through giving up what we would naturally want to keep for ourselves.

This love can also be shown not only by material things we give up, but by wants we give up. Paul addressed this in his letter to the Philippian church: "Let each of you esteem and look upon and be concerned for not [merely] his own interests, but also each for the interests of others." (Philippians 2:3) This is the spirit of selflessness and humility. I believe that this is a deeper moving into love. We can give away possessions and still be begrudging it on the inside. But to look to the interests of others, sometimes, many times, at the expense of your interests- that, I don't believe, can easily be faked off. Paul says in 1 Corinthians: "Even if I dole out all that I have [to the poor in providing] food, and if I surrender my body to be burned or in order that I may glory, but have not love (God's love in me), I gain nothing." (1 Cor. 13:3) Wow, that is quite a statement and it gets to the heart of what love isn't. Love is about doing, but it's also about who you are on the inside. Love doesn't only do; love IS. Paul goes on to say: "Love endures long and is patient and kind; love never is envious nor boils over with jealousy, is not boastful or vainglorious, does not display itself haughtily. It is not conceited (arrogant and inflated with pride); it is not rude (unmannerly) and does not act unbecomingly. Love (God's love in us) does not insist on its own rights or its own way, for it is not self-seeking; it is not touchy or fretful or resentful; it takes no account of the evil done to it [it pays no attention to a suffered wrong]. It does not rejoice at injustice and unrighteousness, but rejoices when right and truth prevail. Love bears up under anything and everything that comes, is ever ready to believe the best of every person, its hopes are fadeless under all circumstances, and it endures everything [without weakening]. Love never fails.." (1 Cor. 13:4-8) Those verses convict me. I am often selfish, not allowing God's love in me to display itself to those around me. Those verses also give me hope because God is love and unlike me, He never changes. He is always the same, always full of love and compassion, and eager to show His love and compassion (which far surpass human love and compassion).

It's dark now and I should probably go inside. I felt lonely when I started this post- which is why I started writing you (whoever "you" are), but now I don't feel that way. I suppose that when you start to think about God's love, you veer away from yourself and onto Him. Then all things that surround become shadows...

See I'm all about them words, over numbers unencumbered numbered words...

Thu, 24 Jul 2008 11:52:37 GMT

Word of the day: Incandescently

Not as in incandescent lights ("cans" for short). But as an adjective. As in "you may only call me 'Mrs. Darcy' when you are completely, perfectly and incandescently happy" (Pride and Prejudice).

in·can·des·cent

Emitting visible light as a result of being heated.
Shining brilliantly; very bright. See Synonyms at bright.
Characterized by ardent emotion, intensity, or brilliance: an incandescent performance.

I love that word "ardent" too, which, coincidentally is in "Pride & Prejudice" as well! "I love you... most ardently."

Anyway, in other word news, I read this in my Amplified Bible this morning- tell me if any word sticks out and perhaps makes you laugh...

Philippians 4:3
And I exhort you too, [my] genuine yokefellow, help these [two women to keep on cooperating], for they have toiled along with me in [the spreading of] the good news (the Gospel), as have Clement and the rest of my fellow workers whose names are in the Book of Life.

Yokefellow! What in the world? Is that even in the dictionary?.... Yes! Oh my goodness, it is.

Yokefellow

Yoke"fel`low\, n. [Yoke + fellow.] An associate or companion in, or as in; a mate; a fellow; especially, a partner in marriage. --Phil. iv. 3.

The two languages [English and French] became yokefellows in a still more intimate manner. --Earle.

Those who have most distinguished themselves by railing at the sex, very often choose one of the most worthless for a companion and yokefellow. --Addison.

Wow. I guess you learn something new every day.

Awe and rest

Wed, 16 Jul 2008 00:16:53 GMT

Too many times I am apt to write about what I dislike or what irritates me and not write about something good. So this evening I dedicate this blog to the joy in my life. I love taking walks at 8pm. In fact, 8pm is my favorite hour of the day. As I finished up my walk this evening I reveled in the beauty that surrounds my home. I live amid mountains, red barns, cows, the smell of cinnamon rolls (i.e. freshly cut hay), the sound of summer bugs (you know, the ones that start at dusk?), fireflies, flowers, and other beautiful creations. Right now I need to say that I am thankful. I know I won't be here forever, and I think it would be a tragedy to let it slip away without at least noting that God has greatly blessed me with a loving, supportive family, a safe home (at least, under His care), and majestic yet quiet surroundings. I essentially live in a haven.... for now.

backyard This is the road I walk in the evenings...

While I'm here, I should redeem my last post. Thankfully hurricanes don't stay in one spot for a long time. My hurricane left (quite literally). When a storm system comes through during the night and has passed by morning when the sun rises, the world sparkles anew. Where once dust and pollen blanketed the earth and dulled the colors, now shines and reflects the beauty forgotten since the last rain. I catch my breath every time and think, "I forgot that the colors were that bright and beautiful!" Well, that's what happened when the hurricane blew over. "He makes all things new." And He's about redemption, which I'm learning is super cool. Even the really crappy things in our life can be redeemed. I don't even know the half of it. But I really want to learn and have a deep-rooted faith. This shocks me and sits well really deep inside all at once. It shocks me because I'm human, and the goodness of God IS shocking- He delights to give more than we could ask or imagine, not only because He's Good, but because when He does it, we stand back amazed and say, "Wow. You are most wonderful." It sits well deep inside because the Holy Spirit lives inside of me and connects my spirit to Him. So because He lives within me, that goodness, in a way, isn't shocking because the Spirit inside me testifies that the Father IS most gracious, most kind, most merciful, most forgiving, most loving, and on and on ALL THE TIME- not just when I realize or reflect on His character. There's a comfortable tension between awe and rest that happens.

But love can be your hurricane too...

Wed, 11 Jun 2008 17:52:42 GMT

Leave it alone, don't analyze
'Cause love can be your lullaby
But love can be your hurricane too
And love can take your breath away
But love can leave you lonely and blue
Oh, what's a heart to do?
Oh, what's a heart to do?

Why be afraid
No reason to hide
Take the chance
Put it all on the line
Draw in a deep breath and throw open the door
'Cause that's what a heart is beating for
Yeah, that's what a heart is beating for
Beating for, beating for

(Song: "That's What a Heart is Beating For" by Chris Rice)

(By the way, I hate blogs that where people post lyrics and just let the song "speak for itself." I don't read blogs for lyrics, I read them for personal thoughts. That being said, I guess I will hate my own blog. Eh, that's ok- I'm writing for my sake today anyway.) So, hurricanes. Today a friend told me that a hurricane just swept through my life and then left, and when I left for lunch this song was shuffled into my playlist. Ironic, huh? Love can be your lullaby but love can be your hurricane too. Pretty accurate. Has anyone ever sung you a lullby? When I get alone with Jesus and still my soul, I usually picture myself as a little girl crawling up in his lap and resting on his chest. He sits in a rocking chair (mind you, a very manly throne-like rocking chair :) ) and he hums and strokes my hair and rocks. I'm not sure what song he is humming, but to my ears, it is soothing- like a lullaby. I don't go to sleep; I just listen and think that I am the safest and most content person in the world. Love can be your lullaby. But love can be your hurricane too. This is not so fun. Hurricanes approach fast and hard and leave devasting effects long after they're gone. How can love be that way? You've heard the saying, "Better to have loved and lost than to never love at all." I've been trying to figure out if I agree with that. Loved and lost- ouch, that hurst really bad. Wouldn't it be better to never know love and never know the pain of losing it? Sounds good... but it's just lacking something really big, ya know? It bypasses the heart's desire to give itself away. Chris says, "that's what a heart is beating for." Yeah, he's right. It can be beautiful and still and content and safe; and it can also be tumultuous and risky and sometimes devastating. I wish it were just the first one. I don't like risks. But my heart compels me to love even when it is risky. Love costs something (that's in the rest of Chris's song)- mainly ourselves. This is the stuff of the heart! Do we not honor the stories that speak of sacrificial love? King David sacrificed to the Lord by buying Ornan's threshing floor. When Ornan offered it to him free of charge, King David said, "No, but I will surely buy it for the full price; for I will not take what is yours for the LORD, or offer a burnt offering which costs me nothing." (1 Chronicles 21:24, NASB) This verse does not specifically speak of love, but I believe that anytime we sacrifice for another, we are loving because we are placing the needs or desires of someone else above that of our own. This is the language of love. And so I guess it goes without saying that if we are going to speak the language of love, we are going to sacrifice. And if we are going to sacrifice, we run the risk that the sacrifice may be ignored or go unnoticed. I believe that this is a risk worthy of taking, even though my self-preservation screams against it. I'm so thankful that Jesus didn't listen to self-preservation. I should take my cues from Him. :) Well, I think that's all I have for today- didn't quite mean to go into all of that, but it's good for me to think through.

Glory to the umpteenth power and junk

Tue, 03 Jun 2008 23:39:19 GMT

Mary, this one's for you. Watch out! Shannon. Is. Back. Shazaam!

I had a great conversation with Mary the other day and she encouraged me to share what we talked about- glory to the umpteenth power and junk.

Christian life is not about living a solitary life. This is a struggle for me most of the time. I'm an introvert- I like my time alone. I like to shop alone. I like to go to the grocery store and look down EVERY aisle and not buy anything- alone. I sing in my car at the top of my lungs- but only when I'm alone (unless I'm traveling to Charleston with Mary and we're listening to the "Evita" soundtrack- THAT is an exception). I like to cook and listen to Jamie Cullum alone. Suffice it to say that I rather enjoy my own company. But this is not the life that I am called to live. Christ lives within me, and if He lives in me, then I cannot remain anchored to my natural desires and be dictated solely by the personality with which I was born. My ISFJ self must conform to Christ. So what does that look like? For starters, let's talk about self and Christ. Christ was selfLESS. He gave up His self, His rights, as God first when He came to earth, and continued to give up His self all throughout His life on earth.

"Let this same attitude and purpose and humble mind be in you which was in Christ Jesus: Who, although being essentially one with God and in the form of God, did not think this equality with God was a thing to be eagerly grasped or retained, but stripped Himself of all privileges and rightful dignity, so as to assume the guise of a servant, in that He became like men and was born a human being. And after He had appeared in human form, He abased and humbled Himself still further and carried His obedience to the extreme of death, even the death of the cross!" (Philippians 2:5-8)

And we are admonished in verse 4 "Let each of you esteem and look upon and be concerned for not merely his own interests, but also each for the interests of others."

So living the Christian life is about living selflessly. You can't live a solitary life and be selfless. Being solitary is about being alone, and being alone is about looking inward. I'm not saying that there aren't periods of time when God may call one of His children away from society for a time, but I believe that those times are for renewal. He fills us up to pour us out into the lives of others.

The Christian life is not about the solitary life. It IS about family life. God loves every person He ever created, and wants a great big family. He wants people from every tribe and nation. Those of us who have accepted Jesus as the King of hearts and lives are all family, all adopted sons and daughters of the Great King. In a healthy family brothers and sisters and moms and dads share. They share their space, food, toilet paper, toothpaste, TV time, the Sunday paper, milk, desires, fears, and the list goes on. A family KNOWS one another. They can tell if mom is in a bad mood by the way she walks, if dad is intensely contemplative by the air that surrounds him, if sister is frustrated by the way she puts on her shoes. This knowing is a double-edged sword, a vulnerability that can be used for encouragement or destruction. When used for destruction the result can be years of bitterness and resentment. But when used for encouragement, the result is an overflow of love.

We are called to engage one another as family to the concerns of our hearts. We are called to carry one another's burdens; to mourn with those who mourn, and to rejoice with those who rejoice. We are not called to mourn alone or rejoice alone. When we engage one another in the concern of our hearts, we release some of the burden and transfer it to another brother/sister. This brother/sister now shares the responsibility of that burden. I believe that the weight can be so heavy sometimes that a Christian collapses. Jesus experienced this physically as he collapsed under the weight of the cross on His way to Calvary. Simon was picked out of the crowd and forced to carry the cross the rest of the way. As a family we can carry the burden for the collapsed one. The way to carry the burden is to lift it up to Jesus in prayer. There have been times in my life when I felt so depressed about a situation that I could not pray- no doubt, everyone has at at least one time experienced this. The weight is just too heavy and hope is thin. The thing that I had so much faith in crumbled before my eyes and my faith waned. I have a friend who held on for me when I felt like letting go. She's my Samwise Gamgee. You know that part at the end of "LOTR: Return of the King" when Frodo has lost his strength and Sam picks him and carries him into the pit of the mountain to finish what they started out to do? Yeah, that's my friend. And I think we're all called to that for one another. The totally cool thing about it all is that when there's a huge struggle and you have people that share the burden, when victory comes, everyone shares in rejoicing over the victory as though it were their very own. What I mean is that God gets the glory, but instead of just one person praising and thanking Him, MANY people praise and thank Him for the victory. I call it "glory to the umpteenth power and junk." And so I guess my point is that confessing sins and sharing burdens and rejoicing in victories gives God more glory when we do it collectively rather than individually. Don't misunderstand- I am not at all demeaning personal revival and praise. But don't you sense something different on Sunday mornings (or whenever) when you come into a sanctuary with many believers and offer up prayer and praise? Isn't there encouragement in that for even the weakest soul? I'm just really personally thankful that I have that kind of spiritual family that exhibits the love and compassion of Christ, and I hope that as I have been borne along by the faith and encouragement of others, I too will be able to return the favor.

The Amplified Bible rocks!

Tue, 08 Aug 2006 02:10:27 GMT

The Amplified Bible rocks- here's why:

Matthew 26:36: "Then Jesus went with them to a place called Gethsemane, and He told His disciples, Sit down here while I go over yonder and pray."

Do you see that? He said YONDER!!!! Of course, it was in Hebrew or Aramaic and probably sounded like Hash-kta.....or something.

Monday, April 10, 2006

Mon, 10 Apr 2006 16:22:15 GMT

Xanga, xanga, why have I forsaken thee? Because my whimsy is lost. Where did it go? I think it died with the leaves- perhaps it will crop up with the flowers. Actually, I did see a peek of it the other day when I was alone playing Spider Solitaire and imitating one of the orcs from "Lord of the Rings." ("Oh he ain't dead....she likes 'em fresh. ahhhh") I am such a weirdo.

So I guess I need to go ahead and publicly admit it: I am an ISFJ, not an N. There, I did it. So sad. The truth is that sometimes I'm an N, but mostly I'm an S. So only rarely is there "something rotten in Denmark."

I'm getting old- barbeque and doughnuts give me heartburn.

Wednesday, December 07, 2005

Wed, 07 Dec 2005 14:14:49 GMT

Ok, so, not quite the response I was looking for in that last post, but that's ok. Over Thanksgiving I was eating lunch one day with my parents, grandparents, and uncle- they were relating stories about Tiff and me as kids (they do that everytime there is a holiday or birthday). Apparently I was a very bright, happy, talkative child (my first word was "hello" at 8 months old)... and Tiff didn't say anything her first two years- or if she did, you couldn't understand anything she was saying- I was the interpreter. My grandparents love to tell the story of me always running into the living room when I heard the "Sure" commercials. "Raise your hands if you're sure!" And I would. Haha! Oh my gosh, what happened to me? Fear- that's what. And it is my daily struggle/death to throw it off. Praise the Lord He is able!
Wait- let me tell you a Tiffany story- she hasn't changed a bit since she started talking. One day our family was at a church member's house and the "dad" was taking Tiff around the house. They were looking at pictures of the guy's parents and Tiff said, "Who are they?" And he said, "My parents." Tiff: "They're ugly." Guy: "Well why do you say that?" Tiff: "Just look at them." LOL! And we used to live across the street from this dark house (I remember thinking I didn't want to go near it), and Tiff used to stand in the yard and point at the house and say, "Devil worshipers!!!"

Oh yeah, one other thing- has nothing to do with my childhood. I made a post last year about Crest Orange being the best toothpaste. Well, I take it back. Since I went to Maine I've been using Tom's of Maine toothpaste- it's all-natural and it's great. Well I ran out and Target didn't have the flavor I like, so I got Crest. Ok, it makes your breath smell- I promise. You can feel it! Get Tom's!!!!

That's it.

Monday, November 28, 2005

Mon, 28 Nov 2005 17:12:02 GMT

So, let me ask you- do you think that who you are today is essentially the same person you were as a kid, or have your experiences changed you? And if you are different, are you hiding behind something or are you truly different? I'm seriously interested in what you have to say.

Sunday, November 20, 2005

Sun, 20 Nov 2005 04:30:55 GMT

Maybe I am too serious. Is that like an inherited trait or is it learned? Yeah, what happened to my whimsy (apparently that is the hot word in interior design. whatever! I was saying it way before "Trading Spaces")? Austin Powers would say, "Somebody stole my mojo!" I don't think anyone stole mine; I think I just lost it. Serious=black turtleneck and wire-framed glasses=me. Maybe I should become a librarian.

Does turkey really make you tired?

And is there a special bar-lingo word for "with a lime"?